♥B.i.T.C.H♥

People don't often mean what they say, especially during job interviews. Here are some phrases often exchanged between employers and employees - and what they really mean.

Employer Lingo:

• "Competitive Salary" -We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

• "Join Our Fast-Paced Team" -We have no time to train you.

• "Casual Work Atmosphere" -We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

• "Must be Deadline Oriented" -You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

• "Some Overtime Required" -Some time each night and some time each weekend.

• "Duties Will Vary" -Anyone in the office can boss you around.

• "Must Have an Eye For Detail" -We have no quality control.

• "Career-Minded" -Female applicants must be childless and remain that way.

• "Apply in Person" -If you're old, fat, or ugly, you'll be told the position has been filled.

• "No Phone Calls Please" -We've filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

• "Seeking Candidates With a Wide Variety of Experience" -You'll need it to replace the three people who just left.

• "Problem-Solving Skills a Must"- You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

• "Requires Team Leadership Skills" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

• "Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.

Employee's Lingo:

• I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"-I've used Microsoft Office.
• "I'm honest, hardworking and dependable" -I pilfer office supplies.
• "My pertinent work experience includes..." -I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
• "I take pride in my work" -I blame others for my mistakes.
• "I'm personable" -I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to coworkers.
• "I'm extremely professional" -I carry a Day-Timer.
• "I am adaptable" -I've changed jobs a lot.
• "I am on the go" -I'm never at my desk.
• "I'm highly motivated to succeed" -The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.